Imagine being able to talk to the person who’d hurt you. No holds barred and no interruptions.
What would you say?
What would you them accountable for?
What hurt from their mistreatment, abuse, dysfunction would you share with them?
What scars would you show? What wounds would you let them see?
How deep would you go?
Would you even bother?
Maybe you don’t know the answers. Maybe you do. What are the chances that you will be given the opportunity to finally confront him/her/they about the negative, detrimental impact they had on you.
For many, it is slim to none.
You’ve been left voiceless. Shunned. Told to forgive and forget. Let it go. Move on. Mocked because you are still heed by it, by them. Told that it wasn’t so bad. Ignored. Had the truth denied as if you were the liar, as if the pain that you feel is not real.
The beauty of letter writing is that you don’t have to wait for a chance (that may never come) to be given to you to confront your abuser, your bully, the person you broke your heart, took you for granted, lied on you. You can create your own opportunity and It doesn’t cost you a thing and stand you gain so much more then is realized.
I did my three book collaborations (A Letter To My Mother, A Letter To My Bully, and A Letter To my Abuser) because I wanted those who had something say, something to release, that needed to be heard and healed, a platform to say what they wanted to say, however they needed to say it.
We all know writing is therapeutic. Through writing you can air out your thoughts, grievances, feelings, confusion, etc. Writing a letter, I find, takes things a step further because it allows you to directly speak to the person(s) who’ve hurt you. Especially if you know in reality talking to that person will probably never happen.
It may take several letters or just one. They can be long or short. They can be in a poem. It can be a letter saying you forgive them or it can be one telling them to kiss your ass. It may be a combination of sorts.
Reading the letters of those who have been in my book project for the first time, was mind blowing and my heart opened. Writing my own, my spirit sighed with relief. It was so empowering, freeing, a weight lifted.
Your letter is for you and doesn’t have to go in a book and you for sure do not have to mail it out to the person (more than likely they will not be receptive and besides your healing is for you). Tear it up, set it on fire and let the healing begin. But make sure you read it. Read the pain that you’ve held in and the pain that you are letting go of. It is ok to be angry, sad, ashamed, even fearful but even better to get those feelings out of you instead of holding them in.
So try it.
Who do you want to write a letter to you? Pretend you in the room with that person who hurt you (and the hurt can be anything, if you are still bothered by it, it is worth writing about). What would you say if you can get everything off of your chest and out of your heart? Write it!
Healing is a process that is unique to each individual but what is common is that steps have to be made to begin the process and writing is a great option to use a your tool to usher you into healing.
Here are a few base questions to get you started.
Who are you writing to?
What did they do to you?
How did it make you feel?
What do you want from them, if anything at all
What memories stick out the most from being hurt by them? What was done and said to you?
What questions do you want to ask?
What do you wish you could of or would have done differently?
Always end your letter, no matter what it is about on a positive note and use what you write and your next steps to fuel you forward in your healing process.
How will you move forth from this starting today?
How will you turn this pain into purpose, into a positive?
What did you learn from all it?
What do you affirm over yourself?